Episode 10: Tips and Tricks for Strong Communication

Transcript:

:: 00:00

Welcome to the Unlock Your Block podcast, career empowerment with me, Robin Cartwright. Join me as I empower you to shine in your career, to up-level your life, and to go after your dreams. Let's talk.

:: 00:25

Hi, it's me, Robin Cartwright. And welcome to the Unlock Your Block podcast with me, Robin Cartwright. I really appreciate you being here. I am so excited today to talk to you about my favorite subject, Communication. And I know it doesn't sound exciting, but it really is to me. I get really excited about communication. It's an important subject. It's one that we need in the workplace. It's essential, and I want to give you some tips and tricks along the way to help you with your communication, whether it be at home, whether it be at work, whether it be out with a friend, whether it be in an interview, whatever. I just want to make sure that you have these.

:: 01:10

So communication is a subject that I teach and train on a lot. It's something that I've used in my professional field of HR and career coaching a lot. And it's important if you want to grow your career or even if you're just looking for a job to begin with, because the biggest key to communication and the number one thing that you need to know is it's all about, get this folks. It's not talking. It's about Listening. It's really about having good listening skills. Being approachable, being able for others to talk to you, it's being able to hear with your ears and really listening to what they have to say.

:: 01:59

So here's a trick. I always take notes. I take a pen and a pad of paper and I write things down because neurologically, if you write it down, it goes into your brain and then you absorb it. Most of the times, when we're listening to somebody, especially if it's a subject that's difficult or something that we don't want to really listen to. Maybe you're in a meeting and you're thinking of all the other meetings you have today, or you're talking to your spouse or husband or partner, and they're talking about something else, and you're thinking about the new towels that you want to go buy, whatever it be. I don't care who you are.

:: 02:41

Listen, write it down and listen because when you do this, when you write something down, it goes into your brain, because you have to mentally hear the words and then write the words on a piece of paper, and then those words go into your brain. So it's a cognitive function, and you really do need to listen.

:: 03:06

Communication is really understanding what the other person says. So there's some other ways that you can listen. Watch their body language. Have you ever sat there and had a conversation with somebody and they're fidgeting or they're looking around or maybe, you know, they're just kind of looking at the floor or when, you know, your dog gets in trouble or your cat and they kind of look around and move their head because they're like, oops, I screwed up.

:: 03:33

Yeah. Look at the person. See what their nonverbal communication is. What kinds of things are they doing, especially if you're trying to figure something out and you're having a sensitive conversation with somebody, you can usually find out, is the person uncomfortable with this conversation because they will let you know, they'll give you cues that it's not a good conversation and they're uncomfortable.

:: 03:59

Sometimes when people are nervous, they laugh and that's or they crack a joke and that's usually telling you that the conversation is sensitive. Or they could totally be bored and so they're trying to be lighthearted and bring something different to the conversation. But you need to look at them. If they start looking around, they're fidgeting, they might be bored with what you're talking about. So then ask them, you know, is this important to you?

:: 04:26

When you're talking with management, it's really important that you listen. It's really important that you repeat back what you heard, because oftentimes what we hear is not what they're trying to tell us. Have you ever played that telephone game where you are whispering into somebody's ear something and then by the time it gets all the way around the room to the 10th person, it's a totally different story. Everybody laughs, you think it's really funny, but in reality, that's how communication works.

:: 05:01

When you tell me the sky is blue, I might be thinking yeah, but it looks a little teal blue, doesn't really look navy blue, it looks teal blue. Or maybe I'm thinking, well, it's baby blue, it's not really blue. So my interpretation of what you just said is different because we all come from different walks of life, we have different paths, and so my interpretation of what you just communicated to me is different. So you wanna make sure that when you're communicating, especially if it's something important, that the person is listening.

:: 05:38

Many times I'll be in meetings with somebody and I will be writing it down in my notepad. I will also be reiterating what I think that they've heard from this person. I will also be asking them to reiterate to me what they've heard. So when I'm coaching or counseling somebody, I will ask them, does this ring true with you? And they'll say, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll say, great, what rang true? Tell me what was it in this conversation that you really heard me say that rang true. Because I want to make sure that they heard what I had to say.

:: 06:19

Many times, people don't. And they might go, well, I don't really know. And that happens sometimes in an interview. So if you're in a job interview, somebody might ask a question. So for example, they'll give you a question and they'll use a word that you are not familiar with. And you're sitting there like deer in the headlights, oh my God, I don't know what the hell they just said.

:: 06:44

So it's okay to say, you know, I'm not familiar with that word. Can you rephrase the question so that I can answer it properly? There's nothing wrong with that. Not everybody has incredible vocabulary and not everybody understands every word. Have you ever looked to see how big a dictionary is? It's huge. So it's okay if you don't know every word in the dictionary. So ask. When I don't understand something, I ask. Many times, especially with my spouse or you can do it with your partner or friends. I will repeat what it is I heard or I will ask a question regarding it.

:: 07:27

So you want me to do X, Y, and Z because, why? I want to understand why it is, I'm having to go run down to the grocery store and pick up the milk or whatever it is I'm doing or they've asked me to do. So you just want to clarify and that's important in communication because if we clarify our communication, then we understand.

:: 07:50

So let me go through these again. So we want to make sure that we listen. We want to listen not only for the words, but we want to listen to the non-verbal. What is a person doing when you're having the conversation? So that's really important. You want to make sure that you ask people to rephrase the question if you don't understand it. You also want to make sure that you do understand the question and that you reiterate what it is that you heard. And that's okay to do that.

:: 08:22

If you're in an interview, here's the trick. Many times when we're in interviews, or if we're having to do a presentation, this happens a lot too. We get nervous, and we think we have to say everything, and we think we can't have a pause. Well, pauses are okay. It's okay to take a deep breath. In, out when you're nervous and you know why? Because one, it'll calm you down. So then it's easier to have the words come to you. And two, it'll slow the pace of things for you to be able to take a thought.

:: 09:04

There's been times in interviews where I have not known the answer to the question and I've had to say, you know, that's a great question, but I don't, can't think of something right off the top of my head. So can I get back to that a little later in the interview? I have never heard anybody tell me, oh no, you gotta answer it now. No. They'll say, yeah, sure, let's go ahead and we'll put that to later. That gives you time to think about it and make sure you put or jot that down on your notepad so that you go back to it. And you might find yourself that somewhere in the conversation, you answer the question because it'll come up.

:: 09:48

But when we're nervous, it's really hard to come up with answers. It's hard to think of examples. So I always ask people before they go to interviews, just to have examples, to things, especially on their resume, to really know their resume well so that they can talk about issues or things, the experiences that they had in their career. So you want to make sure you do that. But if you get stuck, it is okay.

:: 10:17

Say, hey, that's a really great question, and I would love to answer it, but I can't think of anything at the moment. So can we go back to this a little later? Or I've even said, hey, you know, I'm a little nervous right now. So coming up with thoughts and ideas and having examples for you, they're just not coming. Can we come back to that? So that's okay to do too.

:: 10:41

If you're in meetings with somebody, say you're in a meeting and you're having to do a presentation and you fumble on your words. Take a deep breath and I've even flat out admitted, hey, I'm not used to getting up here in front of everybody and I'm a little nervous, so bear with me. It's okay, we're all human, we don't expect perfection. I mean, come on, everybody is available to make a mistake or two. Everybody fumbles on their words. There's nothing wrong with it, so don't beat yourself up.

:: 11:20

If you're in a meeting with your manager and you're having a conversation and your manager asks you a question and you don't really know how to phrase the answer right, take a moment to think about it. I don't just come up with answers immediately. Sometimes I have to sit there and think about the best way to come up with the words, to say it in a proper way, especially in human resources, because you run a fine line and I can't just blurt everything out just exactly the way that I'm thinking, because one, the person might take it wrong, two, it might come across unprofessional, and three, I really want to make sure I communicate it properly. So I take my time. So that's a huge trick that you need to know.

:: 12:14

And communication all comes down to the proper way to communicate. If it's a sensitive subject, for example, we're talking about a promotion, we're talking about money, we're talking about a marital issue, we're talking about our finances. [We don’t do] that over a cell phone. Come on, people. If it's sensitive, pick up the telephone, do a video call so you can see how the person's reacting.

:: 12:44

You know, the John Deere letters, do you remember those letters where, Dear John, I'm no longer interested in you? Those are called Dear John letters, just for those of you who don't know. And those are not okay to do. It's taboo. Pick up a telephone and have that sensitive conversation. Schedule a video call and have that conversation. Or even get together with the person, schedule a meeting, meet for coffee, have it in person, folks. Really, if you have a sensitive subject, it's better to do it in person so that you can read the person's nonverbal language. You can see what's going on.

:: 13:31

And I know some of these conversations are hard, and I get it, but it's better to have those in person. If you're running late to a meeting or you got a flat tire, sure, texting, that's great. If it's just a sentence or two, and it's just real quick, you can text it. If you need to give an update to a project, you should do it over email, or you can go ahead and do it in person. But many times I recommend, especially in the business world, to do it over email for CYA. And if you don't know what that is, cover your ass.

:: 14:10

Many times we're on projects, we need to be able to say where we're at with the project, what happened, the pluses, the minuses, and we need to make sure it's in writing. And why do you put it in writing? So that, when your boss or whomever is checking on that project comes back and says, hey, you know, you didn't tell me what's going on with that project. You can say, yeah, I did on December 1st at 2:40 AM. I told you. I was up late, I got it done, I sent it to you. So that you have some documentation of it.

:: 14:47

Managers, when you're having a conversation with your employees that's sensitive, I cannot stress it enough, you need to listen. And you need to write things down on a pad of paper so it goes into your head. And you need to have it in person. If you cannot have it in person, pick up the phone and have it over the phone, because the person needs to at least hear your voice.

:: 15:12

Folks, I'm telling you, when you text or you email, I can't tell if your voice is angry, if you're upset, if you're happy. I have no idea where you're at with this communication. And so I could take it wrong. It's just like that little thing where we're whispering, you know, a telephone game, whispering in one person and by the time it gets back to you, it's a totally different story. It's the same thing. So if I'm communicating to you over email and the person's reading it and they think I'm angry at them, how does that help?

:: 15:51

Well, I remember when email first came out, it was a really big thing, just like cellphone and texting. And we do it all the time. So it was so much easier than having to walk down the hall and have that conversation with somebody. But the truth is, is that I can't tell you how many times people would take it wrong. They would not hear me properly. So you really do need to have those conversations in person.

:: 16:17

So I'm hoping that these tricks and tips have helped you. Nonverbal communication is important. The biggest thing about communication is listening. And really make sure that you have those sensitive conversations in person. Know when to use your text messaging and when not. Know when to have those email conversations and not. And sometimes, here's the last tip I'm gonna give you for the day. If you have a conversation with your boss, it was a sensitive one or very involved. And you're thinking when you leave the meeting, I'm not sure if my boss really understood that or I understood it.

:: 16:55

Many times I will go back to my desk, I will write an email to my boss and say, thank you so much for having that conversation. I just wanna reiterate to you that we did X, Y, and Z, and this is the plan that we're doing moving forward. So if you want to do that, advise that as a good tip for you to move forward with.

:: 17:16

This is Robin Cartwright. I'm hoping that I helped you out. I am a career empowerment coach and a positivity coach. If you're looking for a little help in that direction, go ahead and look me up. You can find me at hiddengemscoaching.co or you can Google Robin Cartwright. I'm on Instagram, Facebook, and I do have a website. I'm really hoping that you're enjoying these podcasts and I look forward to speaking with you next time. Have a great day.